A Nigger's Guide to 'Keeping it Real'

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 >> Stay informed about: A Nigger's Guide to 'Keeping it Real' 

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 >> Stay informed about: A Nigger's Guide to 'Keeping it Real' 

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 >> Stay informed about: A Nigger's Guide to 'Keeping it Real' 

Hey Velveeta, your mom takes blacksnake up
the ass. Didn't you know?

Velveeta Chocodyle wrote:

> Before I embarked upon my serious academic pursuit of and earned a bachelor's
> degree in Black Studies at Kent State University, I was under the impression that
> niggers did poorly in our society because they chose not to succeed. After much
> indoctrination I have come to realize that that the the nigger is more interested
> in "keeping it real" than in succeeding. Now, this concept is rather confusing to
> your average white guy - after all it is a "black thing". I will attempt to break
> down how the nigger succeeds in "keeping it real" in the hopes that greater
> cultural sensitivity will be achieved by whitey who seems to be oblivious to this
> cultural phenomenon in his pursuit of success and affluence. Niggers are above all
> things interested in "keeping it real". It is difficult to define this term but I
> will cite examples of essential behavior, fashions and cultural values that
> constitute "keeping it real". The ultimate goal of "keeping it real" seems to be
> not "acting white". Language is the key element to "keeping it real'.
>
> Your language must be generally incomprehensible and heavily embellished with
> profanity. Mumbling will help greatly in achieving this effect. The goal is to
> become so enmeshed with this slang and profanity that you cannot communicate in
> any other way. This will ensure that you will never get a job of any kind, which
> is a huge element of keeping it real. This inability to communicate will also
> cause you great frustration in resolving conflict, which will require you to use
> frequent and meaningless violence. Eschew all things "white" and see no value in
> what white people have and continue to accomplish. If you're not sure whether the
> endeavor is white just look around your housing development and see what other
> niggers are doing. For example you heard the key to knowledge is reading but are
> suspect that it may be "white". Upon examination of the residents of your complex
> you notice an utter lack of books and/or newspapers. You can therefore conclude
> that reading is indeed white and you need not worry yourself with reading. Stay on
> top of and religiously follow the latest nigger trend. Look toward the leading
> niggers when mindlessly following trends.
>
> For example, 50 cent wears a doo-rag AND a baseball hat sideways. You should do
> the same so you can keep it real. Keep close watch on how these important trends
> change. Lace your sneakers only if other leading niggers also lace sneakers and
> keep them unlaced when they do so as well. It would be a major faux paux to mess
> up on proper decorum. Do not under any circumstances excel in school. You will be
> chastised by other niggers and you will be labeled "white". Place all of your
> energy into sports, the latest dance moves and the current form of nigger music.
> Maintain this delusion that you will make it to the NBA or Hollywood until it is
> too late. By the time that you realize that you won't make it you will already be
> enmeshed in a life of petty crimes and senseless violence. At this point you
> should develop a misplaced and delusional sense of rage toward all white people.
> After all it's whiteys fault that you are where you are. Under no circumstance
> should you take any personal responsibility. This would be mature and therefore
> white. Stay angry and keep it real. Know just enough about history to know that
> you had an ancestor that may have been a slave. Blame all whites for this. Never
> mind that it happened hundreds of years ago.
>
> Pay no attention to the fact that a small elite of wealthy whites and other
> Africans maintained the slave trade. Ignore the fact that it was the bloodshed of
> thousands of poor whites that bought your freedom during the Civil War. After you
> convert to Islam in prison (the only place anyone ever converts to Islam) be sure
> to maintain a healthy hatred of Jews. Never mind the fact that Jews were at the
> forefront of all the civil rights initiatives during the 60's. Just hate them and
> keep it real. Act offended by all old time caricatures of Negroes like Step and
> Fetch it, Amos and Andy and Hambo-Sambo. At the same time continue to perpetuate
> negative stereotypes and create new equally ridiculous self caricatures of the
> stupid, violent and obnoxious negro like Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock, Snoop Doggy
> Dogg, ad nauseum. Never dress appropriately. If you must where a suit make sure
> that it is purple or red and has sixteen buttons. In other word dress like a
> circus clown.
>
> Wear silly hats and other odd articles that draw unnecessary attention to
> yourself. Attempt to get a corporate job looking like this and get all offended
> when no one takes you seriously. It's whiteys fault that he doesn't appreciate
> your attempt to keep it real through your clothing. Ignore the fact that many,
> many blacks have succeeded and landed position of power like Colin Powell. Accuse
> then of selling out, being white, being house niggers or being Uncle Toms. Accuse
> them of not keeping it real and discourage your own children from following the
> path that these winners have followed. Stress the importance of keeping it real
> even if it means a life of financial and cultural poverty. Use and abuse the
> welfare system and become hopelessly dependent on the system. At the same time
> rail against whitey for being selfish and how you don't need anything from the
> white man even though he feeds you, educates you, houses you and pays for your
> health care through his tax dollars. Never appreciate this and never believe the
> fact that in most of the world the indigent are left to die in the streets.
> Continue to pursue a meaningless existence that revolves around loafing, playing
> basketball, drinking, drugs, the consumption of fast food and fornicating.
>
> This applies to niggers age 14 to 44. After 44 there's a good chance you'll be
> dead. Never act age appropriate. Continue this pursuit of games and pranks without
> regard to age or responsibilities. It's all part of keeping it real. Fancy
> yourself as some one who is in good with God. Go to church occasionally and hoot,
> holler and swing from the rafters. Immediately afterwards go out and break at
> least eight or nine of the ten commandments. Don't worry about being a hypocrite
> because a real nigger doesn't even know what the word means. Participate in
> frequent, random and senseless violence. Never fight a guy with your fist man to
> man. Always use some sort of weapon and always have plenty of other niggers
> present for moral support and to make sure that your victim doesn't turn around
> and kick your ass. Make sure that when you use violence it is for meaningful
> reasons like stealing someone's sneakers, robbing a 7-11 clerk for $20 and
> defending yourself against some perceived and meaningless slight. Kill your victim
> if necessary and try to beat the case on some technicality.
>
> Surround yourself with other niggers and develop your world based on what these
> niggers believe. Your worldview should be built on the bedrock of innuendo, urban
> legends, invective ranting of people that hate whites and TV sitcoms with all
> black casts. This will ensure that your options in this life will be limited to
> the block where you live. It will virtually guarantee that you will never
> participate in the fruits of living in a free and democratic society. But that's
> OK because you'll be keeping it real. This is by no means and exhaustive list.
> There is so much to keeping it real that it could never be encapsulated in any
> book or column but here are the basics:
>
>
> ::Avoiding work::
>
> This is the bedrock of keeping it real and all good niggers should avoid any work
> that does not involve dealing drugs, rapping, basketball or some other form of
> entertainment. In other words virtually all work. Leading niggers like Fifty-Cent
> never worked a day in his life so you shouldn't either. It's not enough that you
> avoid work at all cost. You must also take great pride in this. Never act
> embarrassed about using food stamps of living with your mother in a housing
> development. This should be embraced as an attribute or a badge of honor. You
> could take a job, get some self respect and get out of the projects but that would
> be "acting white" and therefore not consistent with the ethos of keeping it real.
>
>
> ::Sneakers::
>
> For most run of the mill niggers their sneakers will be their most important and
> prized possessions. All good niggers will have to have a pair of nigger-authorized
> sneakers. These are only and exclusively basketball sneakers and they must run
> somewhere around the neighborhood of $500 dollars. If this means that your
> bastards have to do with out food it's worth it. As Nelly said "pimping ain't
> easy" and it's particularly costly for an average nigger. Obtain those nigger
> authorized basketball sneakers by any means necessary.
>
>
> ::Guns::
>
> This is a great segue way from sneakers because there's a good chance that you'll
> be obtaining your sneakers or relinquishing them at the point of a gun. All
> niggers love guns and know that brandishing a gun is an essential element to
> keeping it real. But lets be clear about a few things. First of all the guns must
> never be registered or purchased from a licensed hand gun dealer. They should
> always be purchased in some filth-strewn alley and they must always have the
> serial number scratched off in a makeshift fashion. Never practice at a shooting
> range. Never clean the gun or know any of the most basic gun maintenance routines.
> Carry the gun everywhere in the front of your trousers and brandish it at the drop
> of a hat. If you get perturbed or annoyed in the least shoot the offender with no
> regard to innocent bystanders. Never hit your intended target. Always make sure
> that you cap some 10-year-old kid who is an aspiring rapper or NBA star. Show no
> remorse for killing an innocent.
>
>
> ::Hats::
>
> Hats are a must for a nigger trying to keep it real. If you happen to find
> yourself in the black $20, immediately spend it on a hat as opposed to a book for
> your kid or putting it in savings. If you don't have any extra money for a hat,
> which is most likely the case, don't fret. A good nigger can use some ingenuity
> for his headwear. Steal you great-great grandmother's support hose and wear them
> on your head. Wear a shower cap, a bucket or a dishtowel on your head. The more
> absurd the better. Other niggers will give you props for being so anti-social and
> keeping it so real.
>
>
> ::Cellphones::
>
> I can't emphasize the importance of this enough. As a side, a good nigger should
> never have a regular house phone that is in service but he should always have
> about a dozen cellphones in various states of working order. Next to your sneakers
> this will be the single biggest investment that you will ever make. Fortunately
> for you credit is not an issue when getting a cellphone. A monkey could open up an
> account with $25. Unfortunately for you this cellphone will be shut off by the
> second billing period. No problem. Carry the dead phone around with you at all
> times and carry on fake conversations in public so other niggers will know what a
> player you are. A nigger without a cellphone is not really a nigger and has no
> chance of keeping it real. Having a cellphone is one of those things that won't
> get you props from niggers around the way but it is essential if you are to be
> seen as someone who is keeping it real. Having a cellphone means you're important
> and that you need to be reached at any moment. Unless your selling drugs we all
> know this isn't true. I mean, who could possibly calling a nigger and what could
> they possibly be talking about? I don't think I want to know.
>
>
> ::Basketball::
>
> To most non-niggers basketball is a game that is played by boys. It's a great
> sport but little more than a diversion for most of humanity if they even play it
> or watch it at all. The fact is that about 95% of the people in the world could
> give a rat's ass about basketball. The polar opposite is true for the nigger. All
> niggers are obsessed with basketball. Every nigger needs to put on the facade that
> he has game even if he can't tie his shoes without falling over. To put it into
> perspective, every American white boy dreams of becoming President someday. He
> wants to be the number one man in America so he purses a variety of different
> activities that will make him suitable for the Presidency. Most don't become
> President but these boys have picked up hundreds of positive traits that can be
> applied to hundreds of different types of careers. All little niggers dream of
> becoming men, wearing shorts pants and chasing other niggers in short pants around
> a basketball court in the NBA. Well most niggers don't become NBA stars and along
> the way they have picked up one skill that can't be applied to any job. This
> really comes in handy if your life's goal is to avoid doing any real work and to
> remain immature.
>
>
> ::Talking loudly, shouting profanities and arguing::
>
> This is a three for one deal. All good niggers should genuinely be people that are
> unpleasant to be around and difficult to get along with. This is another
> cornerstone of keeping it real. The key to this is vulgarity. You really need to
> strive to be a vulgar person with no regard to the feelings of others when talking
> loudly, shouting profanities and arguing. This should be easy for you achieve.
> Chances are you already talk loud because everyone in your housing development or
> cellblock screams and yells constantly. Swearing should constitute at least 2/3rds
> of all the words in your vocabulary. This comes quite naturally to all niggers.
> Just minutes ago I heard some nigger say to another nigger, "man, fuck that
> mother-fucking mother-fucker." Nice. Now since your already shouting profanities
> at the top of your lungs there's pretty good chance that you're going to annoy,
> insult or offend someone. This will of course escalate into an argument. You
> really know you got this down when the arguing ensues and everything should
> involve an argument. Everything in nigger's world should culminate into a
> full-blown crisis. McDonald's, the welfare office, the wig shop, the nail salon
> and the basketball court are all perfect venues for talking loudly, shouting
> profanities and arguing.
>
>
> Well that's it for today, niggers. Tune in next week when we will address the
> following topics: pranks, shucking, jiving, goofing and sleeping till noon
> everyday. Until then Keep it Real!
>
>
> Kickin' it wit' my ho,
> -- Deeandre' Babydaddy
>
> http://tinyurl.com/y78flk
>
> http://tinyurl.com/89dlm
>
 >> Stay informed about: A Nigger's Guide to 'Keeping it Real' 

Hey Velveeta, your mom takes blacksnake up
the ass. Didn't you know?

Velveeta Chocodyle wrote:

> Before I embarked upon my serious academic pursuit of and earned a bachelor's
> degree in Black Studies at Kent State University, I was under the impression that
> niggers did poorly in our society because they chose not to succeed. After much
> indoctrination I have come to realize that that the the nigger is more interested
> in "keeping it real" than in succeeding. Now, this concept is rather confusing to
> your average white guy - after all it is a "black thing". I will attempt to break
> down how the nigger succeeds in "keeping it real" in the hopes that greater
> cultural sensitivity will be achieved by whitey who seems to be oblivious to this
> cultural phenomenon in his pursuit of success and affluence. Niggers are above all
> things interested in "keeping it real". It is difficult to define this term but I
> will cite examples of essential behavior, fashions and cultural values that
> constitute "keeping it real". The ultimate goal of "keeping it real" seems to be
> not "acting white". Language is the key element to "keeping it real'.
>
> Your language must be generally incomprehensible and heavily embellished with
> profanity. Mumbling will help greatly in achieving this effect. The goal is to
> become so enmeshed with this slang and profanity that you cannot communicate in
> any other way. This will ensure that you will never get a job of any kind, which
> is a huge element of keeping it real. This inability to communicate will also
> cause you great frustration in resolving conflict, which will require you to use
> frequent and meaningless violence. Eschew all things "white" and see no value in
> what white people have and continue to accomplish. If you're not sure whether the
> endeavor is white just look around your housing development and see what other
> niggers are doing. For example you heard the key to knowledge is reading but are
> suspect that it may be "white". Upon examination of the residents of your complex
> you notice an utter lack of books and/or newspapers. You can therefore conclude
> that reading is indeed white and you need not worry yourself with reading. Stay on
> top of and religiously follow the latest nigger trend. Look toward the leading
> niggers when mindlessly following trends.
>
> For example, 50 cent wears a doo-rag AND a baseball hat sideways. You should do
> the same so you can keep it real. Keep close watch on how these important trends
> change. Lace your sneakers only if other leading niggers also lace sneakers and
> keep them unlaced when they do so as well. It would be a major faux paux to mess
> up on proper decorum. Do not under any circumstances excel in school. You will be
> chastised by other niggers and you will be labeled "white". Place all of your
> energy into sports, the latest dance moves and the current form of nigger music.
> Maintain this delusion that you will make it to the NBA or Hollywood until it is
> too late. By the time that you realize that you won't make it you will already be
> enmeshed in a life of petty crimes and senseless violence. At this point you
> should develop a misplaced and delusional sense of rage toward all white people.
> After all it's whiteys fault that you are where you are. Under no circumstance
> should you take any personal responsibility. This would be mature and therefore
> white. Stay angry and keep it real. Know just enough about history to know that
> you had an ancestor that may have been a slave. Blame all whites for this. Never
> mind that it happened hundreds of years ago.
>
> Pay no attention to the fact that a small elite of wealthy whites and other
> Africans maintained the slave trade. Ignore the fact that it was the bloodshed of
> thousands of poor whites that bought your freedom during the Civil War. After you
> convert to Islam in prison (the only place anyone ever converts to Islam) be sure
> to maintain a healthy hatred of Jews. Never mind the fact that Jews were at the
> forefront of all the civil rights initiatives during the 60's. Just hate them and
> keep it real. Act offended by all old time caricatures of Negroes like Step and
> Fetch it, Amos and Andy and Hambo-Sambo. At the same time continue to perpetuate
> negative stereotypes and create new equally ridiculous self caricatures of the
> stupid, violent and obnoxious negro like Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock, Snoop Doggy
> Dogg, ad nauseum. Never dress appropriately. If you must where a suit make sure
> that it is purple or red and has sixteen buttons. In other word dress like a
> circus clown.
>
> Wear silly hats and other odd articles that draw unnecessary attention to
> yourself. Attempt to get a corporate job looking like this and get all offended
> when no one takes you seriously. It's whiteys fault that he doesn't appreciate
> your attempt to keep it real through your clothing. Ignore the fact that many,
> many blacks have succeeded and landed position of power like Colin Powell. Accuse
> then of selling out, being white, being house niggers or being Uncle Toms. Accuse
> them of not keeping it real and discourage your own children from following the
> path that these winners have followed. Stress the importance of keeping it real
> even if it means a life of financial and cultural poverty. Use and abuse the
> welfare system and become hopelessly dependent on the system. At the same time
> rail against whitey for being selfish and how you don't need anything from the
> white man even though he feeds you, educates you, houses you and pays for your
> health care through his tax dollars. Never appreciate this and never believe the
> fact that in most of the world the indigent are left to die in the streets.
> Continue to pursue a meaningless existence that revolves around loafing, playing
> basketball, drinking, drugs, the consumption of fast food and fornicating.
>
> This applies to niggers age 14 to 44. After 44 there's a good chance you'll be
> dead. Never act age appropriate. Continue this pursuit of games and pranks without
> regard to age or responsibilities. It's all part of keeping it real. Fancy
> yourself as some one who is in good with God. Go to church occasionally and hoot,
> holler and swing from the rafters. Immediately afterwards go out and break at
> least eight or nine of the ten commandments. Don't worry about being a hypocrite
> because a real nigger doesn't even know what the word means. Participate in
> frequent, random and senseless violence. Never fight a guy with your fist man to
> man. Always use some sort of weapon and always have plenty of other niggers
> present for moral support and to make sure that your victim doesn't turn around
> and kick your ass. Make sure that when you use violence it is for meaningful
> reasons like stealing someone's sneakers, robbing a 7-11 clerk for $20 and
> defending yourself against some perceived and meaningless slight. Kill your victim
> if necessary and try to beat the case on some technicality.
>
> Surround yourself with other niggers and develop your world based on what these
> niggers believe. Your worldview should be built on the bedrock of innuendo, urban
> legends, invective ranting of people that hate whites and TV sitcoms with all
> black casts. This will ensure that your options in this life will be limited to
> the block where you live. It will virtually guarantee that you will never
> participate in the fruits of living in a free and democratic society. But that's
> OK because you'll be keeping it real. This is by no means and exhaustive list.
> There is so much to keeping it real that it could never be encapsulated in any
> book or column but here are the basics:
>
>
> ::Avoiding work::
>
> This is the bedrock of keeping it real and all good niggers should avoid any work
> that does not involve dealing drugs, rapping, basketball or some other form of
> entertainment. In other words virtually all work. Leading niggers like Fifty-Cent
> never worked a day in his life so you shouldn't either. It's not enough that you
> avoid work at all cost. You must also take great pride in this. Never act
> embarrassed about using food stamps of living with your mother in a housing
> development. This should be embraced as an attribute or a badge of honor. You
> could take a job, get some self respect and get out of the projects but that would
> be "acting white" and therefore not consistent with the ethos of keeping it real.
>
>
> ::Sneakers::
>
> For most run of the mill niggers their sneakers will be their most important and
> prized possessions. All good niggers will have to have a pair of nigger-authorized
> sneakers. These are only and exclusively basketball sneakers and they must run
> somewhere around the neighborhood of $500 dollars. If this means that your
> bastards have to do with out food it's worth it. As Nelly said "pimping ain't
> easy" and it's particularly costly for an average nigger. Obtain those nigger
> authorized basketball sneakers by any means necessary.
>
>
> ::Guns::
>
> This is a great segue way from sneakers because there's a good chance that you'll
> be obtaining your sneakers or relinquishing them at the point of a gun. All
> niggers love guns and know that brandishing a gun is an essential element to
> keeping it real. But lets be clear about a few things. First of all the guns must
> never be registered or purchased from a licensed hand gun dealer. They should
> always be purchased in some filth-strewn alley and they must always have the
> serial number scratched off in a makeshift fashion. Never practice at a shooting
> range. Never clean the gun or know any of the most basic gun maintenance routines.
> Carry the gun everywhere in the front of your trousers and brandish it at the drop
> of a hat. If you get perturbed or annoyed in the least shoot the offender with no
> regard to innocent bystanders. Never hit your intended target. Always make sure
> that you cap some 10-year-old kid who is an aspiring rapper or NBA star. Show no
> remorse for killing an innocent.
>
>
> ::Hats::
>
> Hats are a must for a nigger trying to keep it real. If you happen to find
> yourself in the black $20, immediately spend it on a hat as opposed to a book for
> your kid or putting it in savings. If you don't have any extra money for a hat,
> which is most likely the case, don't fret. A good nigger can use some ingenuity
> for his headwear. Steal you great-great grandmother's support hose and wear them
> on your head. Wear a shower cap, a bucket or a dishtowel on your head. The more
> absurd the better. Other niggers will give you props for being so anti-social and
> keeping it so real.
>
>
> ::Cellphones::
>
> I can't emphasize the importance of this enough. As a side, a good nigger should
> never have a regular house phone that is in service but he should always have
> about a dozen cellphones in various states of working order. Next to your sneakers
> this will be the single biggest investment that you will ever make. Fortunately
> for you credit is not an issue when getting a cellphone. A monkey could open up an
> account with $25. Unfortunately for you this cellphone will be shut off by the
> second billing period. No problem. Carry the dead phone around with you at all
> times and carry on fake conversations in public so other niggers will know what a
> player you are. A nigger without a cellphone is not really a nigger and has no
> chance of keeping it real. Having a cellphone is one of those things that won't
> get you props from niggers around the way but it is essential if you are to be
> seen as someone who is keeping it real. Having a cellphone means you're important
> and that you need to be reached at any moment. Unless your selling drugs we all
> know this isn't true. I mean, who could possibly calling a nigger and what could
> they possibly be talking about? I don't think I want to know.
>
>
> ::Basketball::
>
> To most non-niggers basketball is a game that is played by boys. It's a great
> sport but little more than a diversion for most of humanity if they even play it
> or watch it at all. The fact is that about 95% of the people in the world could
> give a rat's ass about basketball. The polar opposite is true for the nigger. All
> niggers are obsessed with basketball. Every nigger needs to put on the facade that
> he has game even if he can't tie his shoes without falling over. To put it into
> perspective, every American white boy dreams of becoming President someday. He
> wants to be the number one man in America so he purses a variety of different
> activities that will make him suitable for the Presidency. Most don't become
> President but these boys have picked up hundreds of positive traits that can be
> applied to hundreds of different types of careers. All little niggers dream of
> becoming men, wearing shorts pants and chasing other niggers in short pants around
> a basketball court in the NBA. Well most niggers don't become NBA stars and along
> the way they have picked up one skill that can't be applied to any job. This
> really comes in handy if your life's goal is to avoid doing any real work and to
> remain immature.
>
>
> ::Talking loudly, shouting profanities and arguing::
>
> This is a three for one deal. All good niggers should genuinely be people that are
> unpleasant to be around and difficult to get along with. This is another
> cornerstone of keeping it real. The key to this is vulgarity. You really need to
> strive to be a vulgar person with no regard to the feelings of others when talking
> loudly, shouting profanities and arguing. This should be easy for you achieve.
> Chances are you already talk loud because everyone in your housing development or
> cellblock screams and yells constantly. Swearing should constitute at least 2/3rds
> of all the words in your vocabulary. This comes quite naturally to all niggers.
> Just minutes ago I heard some nigger say to another nigger, "man, fuck that
> mother-fucking mother-fucker." Nice. Now since your already shouting profanities
> at the top of your lungs there's pretty good chance that you're going to annoy,
> insult or offend someone. This will of course escalate into an argument. You
> really know you got this down when the arguing ensues and everything should
> involve an argument. Everything in nigger's world should culminate into a
> full-blown crisis. McDonald's, the welfare office, the wig shop, the nail salon
> and the basketball court are all perfect venues for talking loudly, shouting
> profanities and arguing.
>
>
> Well that's it for today, niggers. Tune in next week when we will address the
> following topics: pranks, shucking, jiving, goofing and sleeping till noon
> everyday. Until then Keep it Real!
>
>
> Kickin' it wit' my ho,
> -- Deeandre' Babydaddy
>
> http://tinyurl.com/y78flk
>
> http://tinyurl.com/89dlm
>
 >> Stay informed about: A Nigger's Guide to 'Keeping it Real' 

Hey Velveeta, your mom takes blacksnake up
the ass. Didn't you know?

Velveeta Chocodyle wrote:

> Before I embarked upon my serious academic pursuit of and earned a bachelor's
> degree in Black Studies at Kent State University, I was under the impression that
> niggers did poorly in our society because they chose not to succeed. After much
> indoctrination I have come to realize that that the the nigger is more interested
> in "keeping it real" than in succeeding. Now, this concept is rather confusing to
> your average white guy - after all it is a "black thing". I will attempt to break
> down how the nigger succeeds in "keeping it real" in the hopes that greater
> cultural sensitivity will be achieved by whitey who seems to be oblivious to this
> cultural phenomenon in his pursuit of success and affluence. Niggers are above all
> things interested in "keeping it real". It is difficult to define this term but I
> will cite examples of essential behavior, fashions and cultural values that
> constitute "keeping it real". The ultimate goal of "keeping it real" seems to be
> not "acting white". Language is the key element to "keeping it real'.
>
> Your language must be generally incomprehensible and heavily embellished with
> profanity. Mumbling will help greatly in achieving this effect. The goal is to
> become so enmeshed with this slang and profanity that you cannot communicate in
> any other way. This will ensure that you will never get a job of any kind, which
> is a huge element of keeping it real. This inability to communicate will also
> cause you great frustration in resolving conflict, which will require you to use
> frequent and meaningless violence. Eschew all things "white" and see no value in
> what white people have and continue to accomplish. If you're not sure whether the
> endeavor is white just look around your housing development and see what other
> niggers are doing. For example you heard the key to knowledge is reading but are
> suspect that it may be "white". Upon examination of the residents of your complex
> you notice an utter lack of books and/or newspapers. You can therefore conclude
> that reading is indeed white and you need not worry yourself with reading. Stay on
> top of and religiously follow the latest nigger trend. Look toward the leading
> niggers when mindlessly following trends.
>
> For example, 50 cent wears a doo-rag AND a baseball hat sideways. You should do
> the same so you can keep it real. Keep close watch on how these important trends
> change. Lace your sneakers only if other leading niggers also lace sneakers and
> keep them unlaced when they do so as well. It would be a major faux paux to mess
> up on proper decorum. Do not under any circumstances excel in school. You will be
> chastised by other niggers and you will be labeled "white". Place all of your
> energy into sports, the latest dance moves and the current form of nigger music.
> Maintain this delusion that you will make it to the NBA or Hollywood until it is
> too late. By the time that you realize that you won't make it you will already be
> enmeshed in a life of petty crimes and senseless violence. At this point you
> should develop a misplaced and delusional sense of rage toward all white people.
> After all it's whiteys fault that you are where you are. Under no circumstance
> should you take any personal responsibility. This would be mature and therefore
> white. Stay angry and keep it real. Know just enough about history to know that
> you had an ancestor that may have been a slave. Blame all whites for this. Never
> mind that it happened hundreds of years ago.
>
> Pay no attention to the fact that a small elite of wealthy whites and other
> Africans maintained the slave trade. Ignore the fact that it was the bloodshed of
> thousands of poor whites that bought your freedom during the Civil War. After you
> convert to Islam in prison (the only place anyone ever converts to Islam) be sure
> to maintain a healthy hatred of Jews. Never mind the fact that Jews were at the
> forefront of all the civil rights initiatives during the 60's. Just hate them and
> keep it real. Act offended by all old time caricatures of Negroes like Step and
> Fetch it, Amos and Andy and Hambo-Sambo. At the same time continue to perpetuate
> negative stereotypes and create new equally ridiculous self caricatures of the
> stupid, violent and obnoxious negro like Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock, Snoop Doggy
> Dogg, ad nauseum. Never dress appropriately. If you must where a suit make sure
> that it is purple or red and has sixteen buttons. In other word dress like a
> circus clown.
>
> Wear silly hats and other odd articles that draw unnecessary attention to
> yourself. Attempt to get a corporate job looking like this and get all offended
> when no one takes you seriously. It's whiteys fault that he doesn't appreciate
> your attempt to keep it real through your clothing. Ignore the fact that many,
> many blacks have succeeded and landed position of power like Colin Powell. Accuse
> then of selling out, being white, being house niggers or being Uncle Toms. Accuse
> them of not keeping it real and discourage your own children from following the
> path that these winners have followed. Stress the importance of keeping it real
> even if it means a life of financial and cultural poverty. Use and abuse the
> welfare system and become hopelessly dependent on the system. At the same time
> rail against whitey for being selfish and how you don't need anything from the
> white man even though he feeds you, educates you, houses you and pays for your
> health care through his tax dollars. Never appreciate this and never believe the
> fact that in most of the world the indigent are left to die in the streets.
> Continue to pursue a meaningless existence that revolves around loafing, playing
> basketball, drinking, drugs, the consumption of fast food and fornicating.
>
> This applies to niggers age 14 to 44. After 44 there's a good chance you'll be
> dead. Never act age appropriate. Continue this pursuit of games and pranks without
> regard to age or responsibilities. It's all part of keeping it real. Fancy
> yourself as some one who is in good with God. Go to church occasionally and hoot,
> holler and swing from the rafters. Immediately afterwards go out and break at
> least eight or nine of the ten commandments. Don't worry about being a hypocrite
> because a real nigger doesn't even know what the word means. Participate in
> frequent, random and senseless violence. Never fight a guy with your fist man to
> man. Always use some sort of weapon and always have plenty of other niggers
> present for moral support and to make sure that your victim doesn't turn around
> and kick your ass. Make sure that when you use violence it is for meaningful
> reasons like stealing someone's sneakers, robbing a 7-11 clerk for $20 and
> defending yourself against some perceived and meaningless slight. Kill your victim
> if necessary and try to beat the case on some technicality.
>
> Surround yourself with other niggers and develop your world based on what these
> niggers believe. Your worldview should be built on the bedrock of innuendo, urban
> legends, invective ranting of people that hate whites and TV sitcoms with all
> black casts. This will ensure that your options in this life will be limited to
> the block where you live. It will virtually guarantee that you will never
> participate in the fruits of living in a free and democratic society. But that's
> OK because you'll be keeping it real. This is by no means and exhaustive list.
> There is so much to keeping it real that it could never be encapsulated in any
> book or column but here are the basics:
>
>
> ::Avoiding work::
>
> This is the bedrock of keeping it real and all good niggers should avoid any work
> that does not involve dealing drugs, rapping, basketball or some other form of
> entertainment. In other words virtually all work. Leading niggers like Fifty-Cent
> never worked a day in his life so you shouldn't either. It's not enough that you
> avoid work at all cost. You must also take great pride in this. Never act
> embarrassed about using food stamps of living with your mother in a housing
> development. This should be embraced as an attribute or a badge of honor. You
> could take a job, get some self respect and get out of the projects but that would
> be "acting white" and therefore not consistent with the ethos of keeping it real.
>
>
> ::Sneakers::
>
> For most run of the mill niggers their sneakers will be their most important and
> prized possessions. All good niggers will have to have a pair of nigger-authorized
> sneakers. These are only and exclusively basketball sneakers and they must run
> somewhere around the neighborhood of $500 dollars. If this means that your
> bastards have to do with out food it's worth it. As Nelly said "pimping ain't
> easy" and it's particularly costly for an average nigger. Obtain those nigger
> authorized basketball sneakers by any means necessary.
>
>
> ::Guns::
>
> This is a great segue way from sneakers because there's a good chance that you'll
> be obtaining your sneakers or relinquishing them at the point of a gun. All
> niggers love guns and know that brandishing a gun is an essential element to
> keeping it real. But lets be clear about a few things. First of all the guns must
> never be registered or purchased from a licensed hand gun dealer. They should
> always be purchased in some filth-strewn alley and they must always have the
> serial number scratched off in a makeshift fashion. Never practice at a shooting
> range. Never clean the gun or know any of the most basic gun maintenance routines.
> Carry the gun everywhere in the front of your trousers and brandish it at the drop
> of a hat. If you get perturbed or annoyed in the least shoot the offender with no
> regard to innocent bystanders. Never hit your intended target. Always make sure
> that you cap some 10-year-old kid who is an aspiring rapper or NBA star. Show no
> remorse for killing an innocent.
>
>
> ::Hats::
>
> Hats are a must for a nigger trying to keep it real. If you happen to find
> yourself in the black $20, immediately spend it on a hat as opposed to a book for
> your kid or putting it in savings. If you don't have any extra money for a hat,
> which is most likely the case, don't fret. A good nigger can use some ingenuity
> for his headwear. Steal you great-great grandmother's support hose and wear them
> on your head. Wear a shower cap, a bucket or a dishtowel on your head. The more
> absurd the better. Other niggers will give you props for being so anti-social and
> keeping it so real.
>
>
> ::Cellphones::
>
> I can't emphasize the importance of this enough. As a side, a good nigger should
> never have a regular house phone that is in service but he should always have
> about a dozen cellphones in various states of working order. Next to your sneakers
> this will be the single biggest investment that you will ever make. Fortunately
> for you credit is not an issue when getting a cellphone. A monkey could open up an
> account with $25. Unfortunately for you this cellphone will be shut off by the
> second billing period. No problem. Carry the dead phone around with you at all
> times and carry on fake conversations in public so other niggers will know what a
> player you are. A nigger without a cellphone is not really a nigger and has no
> chance of keeping it real. Having a cellphone is one of those things that won't
> get you props from niggers around the way but it is essential if you are to be
> seen as someone who is keeping it real. Having a cellphone means you're important
> and that you need to be reached at any moment. Unless your selling drugs we all
> know this isn't true. I mean, who could possibly calling a nigger and what could
> they possibly be talking about? I don't think I want to know.
>
>
> ::Basketball::
>
> To most non-niggers basketball is a game that is played by boys. It's a great
> sport but little more than a diversion for most of humanity if they even play it
> or watch it at all. The fact is that about 95% of the people in the world could
> give a rat's ass about basketball. The polar opposite is true for the nigger. All
> niggers are obsessed with basketball. Every nigger needs to put on the facade that
> he has game even if he can't tie his shoes without falling over. To put it into
> perspective, every American white boy dreams of becoming President someday. He
> wants to be the number one man in America so he purses a variety of different
> activities that will make him suitable for the Presidency. Most don't become
> President but these boys have picked up hundreds of positive traits that can be
> applied to hundreds of different types of careers. All little niggers dream of
> becoming men, wearing shorts pants and chasing other niggers in short pants around
> a basketball court in the NBA. Well most niggers don't become NBA stars and along
> the way they have picked up one skill that can't be applied to any job. This
> really comes in handy if your life's goal is to avoid doing any real work and to
> remain immature.
>
>
> ::Talking loudly, shouting profanities and arguing::
>
> This is a three for one deal. All good niggers should genuinely be people that are
> unpleasant to be around and difficult to get along with. This is another
> cornerstone of keeping it real. The key to this is vulgarity. You really need to
> strive to be a vulgar person with no regard to the feelings of others when talking
> loudly, shouting profanities and arguing. This should be easy for you achieve.
> Chances are you already talk loud because everyone in your housing development or
> cellblock screams and yells constantly. Swearing should constitute at least 2/3rds
> of all the words in your vocabulary. This comes quite naturally to all niggers.
> Just minutes ago I heard some nigger say to another nigger, "man, fuck that
> mother-fucking mother-fucker." Nice. Now since your already shouting profanities
> at the top of your lungs there's pretty good chance that you're going to annoy,
> insult or offend someone. This will of course escalate into an argument. You
> really know you got this down when the arguing ensues and everything should
> involve an argument. Everything in nigger's world should culminate into a
> full-blown crisis. McDonald's, the welfare office, the wig shop, the nail salon
> and the basketball court are all perfect venues for talking loudly, shouting
> profanities and arguing.
>
>
> Well that's it for today, niggers. Tune in next week when we will address the
> following topics: pranks, shucking, jiving, goofing and sleeping till noon
> everyday. Until then Keep it Real!
>
>
> Kickin' it wit' my ho,
> -- Deeandre' Babydaddy
>
> http://tinyurl.com/y78flk
>
> http://tinyurl.com/89dlm
>
 >> Stay informed about: A Nigger's Guide to 'Keeping it Real' 

Hey Velveeta, your mom takes blacksnake up
the ass. Didn't you know?

Velveeta Chocodyle wrote:

> Before I embarked upon my serious academic pursuit of and earned a bachelor's
> degree in Black Studies at Kent State University, I was under the impression that
> niggers did poorly in our society because they chose not to succeed. After much
> indoctrination I have come to realize that that the the nigger is more interested
> in "keeping it real" than in succeeding. Now, this concept is rather confusing to
> your average white guy - after all it is a "black thing". I will attempt to break
> down how the nigger succeeds in "keeping it real" in the hopes that greater
> cultural sensitivity will be achieved by whitey who seems to be oblivious to this
> cultural phenomenon in his pursuit of success and affluence. Niggers are above all
> things interested in "keeping it real". It is difficult to define this term but I
> will cite examples of essential behavior, fashions and cultural values that
> constitute "keeping it real". The ultimate goal of "keeping it real" seems to be
> not "acting white". Language is the key element to "keeping it real'.
>
> Your language must be generally incomprehensible and heavily embellished with
> profanity. Mumbling will help greatly in achieving this effect. The goal is to
> become so enmeshed with this slang and profanity that you cannot communicate in
> any other way. This will ensure that you will never get a job of any kind, which
> is a huge element of keeping it real. This inability to communicate will also
> cause you great frustration in resolving conflict, which will require you to use
> frequent and meaningless violence. Eschew all things "white" and see no value in
> what white people have and continue to accomplish. If you're not sure whether the
> endeavor is white just look around your housing development and see what other
> niggers are doing. For example you heard the key to knowledge is reading but are
> suspect that it may be "white". Upon examination of the residents of your complex
> you notice an utter lack of books and/or newspapers. You can therefore conclude
> that reading is indeed white and you need not worry yourself with reading. Stay on
> top of and religiously follow the latest nigger trend. Look toward the leading
> niggers when mindlessly following trends.
>
> For example, 50 cent wears a doo-rag AND a baseball hat sideways. You should do
> the same so you can keep it real. Keep close watch on how these important trends
> change. Lace your sneakers only if other leading niggers also lace sneakers and
> keep them unlaced when they do so as well. It would be a major faux paux to mess
> up on proper decorum. Do not under any circumstances excel in school. You will be
> chastised by other niggers and you will be labeled "white". Place all of your
> energy into sports, the latest dance moves and the current form of nigger music.
> Maintain this delusion that you will make it to the NBA or Hollywood until it is
> too late. By the time that you realize that you won't make it you will already be
> enmeshed in a life of petty crimes and senseless violence. At this point you
> should develop a misplaced and delusional sense of rage toward all white people.
> After all it's whiteys fault that you are where you are. Under no circumstance
> should you take any personal responsibility. This would be mature and therefore
> white. Stay angry and keep it real. Know just enough about history to know that
> you had an ancestor that may have been a slave. Blame all whites for this. Never
> mind that it happened hundreds of years ago.
>
> Pay no attention to the fact that a small elite of wealthy whites and other
> Africans maintained the slave trade. Ignore the fact that it was the bloodshed of
> thousands of poor whites that bought your freedom during the Civil War. After you
> convert to Islam in prison (the only place anyone ever converts to Islam) be sure
> to maintain a healthy hatred of Jews. Never mind the fact that Jews were at the
> forefront of all the civil rights initiatives during the 60's. Just hate them and
> keep it real. Act offended by all old time caricatures of Negroes like Step and
> Fetch it, Amos and Andy and Hambo-Sambo. At the same time continue to perpetuate
> negative stereotypes and create new equally ridiculous self caricatures of the
> stupid, violent and obnoxious negro like Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock, Snoop Doggy
> Dogg, ad nauseum. Never dress appropriately. If you must where a suit make sure
> that it is purple or red and has sixteen buttons. In other word dress like a
> circus clown.
>
> Wear silly hats and other odd articles that draw unnecessary attention to
> yourself. Attempt to get a corporate job looking like this and get all offended
> when no one takes you seriously. It's whiteys fault that he doesn't appreciate
> your attempt to keep it real through your clothing. Ignore the fact that many,
> many blacks have succeeded and landed position of power like Colin Powell. Accuse
> then of selling out, being white, being house niggers or being Uncle Toms. Accuse
> them of not keeping it real and discourage your own children from following the
> path that these winners have followed. Stress the importance of keeping it real
> even if it means a life of financial and cultural poverty. Use and abuse the
> welfare system and become hopelessly dependent on the system. At the same time
> rail against whitey for being selfish and how you don't need anything from the
> white man even though he feeds you, educates you, houses you and pays for your
> health care through his tax dollars. Never appreciate this and never believe the
> fact that in most of the world the indigent are left to die in the streets.
> Continue to pursue a meaningless existence that revolves around loafing, playing
> basketball, drinking, drugs, the consumption of fast food and fornicating.
>
> This applies to niggers age 14 to 44. After 44 there's a good chance you'll be
> dead. Never act age appropriate. Continue this pursuit of games and pranks without
> regard to age or responsibilities. It's all part of keeping it real. Fancy
> yourself as some one who is in good with God. Go to church occasionally and hoot,
> holler and swing from the rafters. Immediately afterwards go out and break at
> least eight or nine of the ten commandments. Don't worry about being a hypocrite
> because a real nigger doesn't even know what the word means. Participate in
> frequent, random and senseless violence. Never fight a guy with your fist man to
> man. Always use some sort of weapon and always have plenty of other niggers
> present for moral support and to make sure that your victim doesn't turn around
> and kick your ass. Make sure that when you use violence it is for meaningful
> reasons like stealing someone's sneakers, robbing a 7-11 clerk for $20 and
> defending yourself against some perceived and meaningless slight. Kill your victim
> if necessary and try to beat the case on some technicality.
>
> Surround yourself with other niggers and develop your world based on what these
> niggers believe. Your worldview should be built on the bedrock of innuendo, urban
> legends, invective ranting of people that hate whites and TV sitcoms with all
> black casts. This will ensure that your options in this life will be limited to
> the block where you live. It will virtually guarantee that you will never
> participate in the fruits of living in a free and democratic society. But that's
> OK because you'll be keeping it real. This is by no means and exhaustive list.
> There is so much to keeping it real that it could never be encapsulated in any
> book or column but here are the basics:
>
>
> ::Avoiding work::
>
> This is the bedrock of keeping it real and all good niggers should avoid any work
> that does not involve dealing drugs, rapping, basketball or some other form of
> entertainment. In other words virtually all work. Leading niggers like Fifty-Cent
> never worked a day in his life so you shouldn't either. It's not enough that you
> avoid work at all cost. You must also take great pride in this. Never act
> embarrassed about using food stamps of living with your mother in a housing
> development. This should be embraced as an attribute or a badge of honor. You
> could take a job, get some self respect and get out of the projects but that would
> be "acting white" and therefore not consistent with the ethos of keeping it real.
>
>
> ::Sneakers::
>
> For most run of the mill niggers their sneakers will be their most important and
> prized possessions. All good niggers will have to have a pair of nigger-authorized
> sneakers. These are only and exclusively basketball sneakers and they must run
> somewhere around the neighborhood of $500 dollars. If this means that your
> bastards have to do with out food it's worth it. As Nelly said "pimping ain't
> easy" and it's particularly costly for an average nigger. Obtain those nigger
> authorized basketball sneakers by any means necessary.
>
>
> ::Guns::
>
> This is a great segue way from sneakers because there's a good chance that you'll
> be obtaining your sneakers or relinquishing them at the point of a gun. All
> niggers love guns and know that brandishing a gun is an essential element to
> keeping it real. But lets be clear about a few things. First of all the guns must
> never be registered or purchased from a licensed hand gun dealer. They should
> always be purchased in some filth-strewn alley and they must always have the
> serial number scratched off in a makeshift fashion. Never practice at a shooting
> range. Never clean the gun or know any of the most basic gun maintenance routines.
> Carry the gun everywhere in the front of your trousers and brandish it at the drop
> of a hat. If you get perturbed or annoyed in the least shoot the offender with no
> regard to innocent bystanders. Never hit your intended target. Always make sure
> that you cap some 10-year-old kid who is an aspiring rapper or NBA star. Show no
> remorse for killing an innocent.
>
>
> ::Hats::
>
> Hats are a must for a nigger trying to keep it real. If you happen to find
> yourself in the black $20, immediately spend it on a hat as opposed to a book for
> your kid or putting it in savings. If you don't have any extra money for a hat,
> which is most likely the case, don't fret. A good nigger can use some ingenuity
> for his headwear. Steal you great-great grandmother's support hose and wear them
> on your head. Wear a shower cap, a bucket or a dishtowel on your head. The more
> absurd the better. Other niggers will give you props for being so anti-social and
> keeping it so real.
>
>
> ::Cellphones::
>
> I can't emphasize the importance of this enough. As a side, a good nigger should
> never have a regular house phone that is in service but he should always have
> about a dozen cellphones in various states of working order. Next to your sneakers
> this will be the single biggest investment that you will ever make. Fortunately
> for you credit is not an issue when getting a cellphone. A monkey could open up an
> account with $25. Unfortunately for you this cellphone will be shut off by the
> second billing period. No problem. Carry the dead phone around with you at all
> times and carry on fake conversations in public so other niggers will know what a
> player you are. A nigger without a cellphone is not really a nigger and has no
> chance of keeping it real. Having a cellphone is one of those things that won't
> get you props from niggers around the way but it is essential if you are to be
> seen as someone who is keeping it real. Having a cellphone means you're important
> and that you need to be reached at any moment. Unless your selling drugs we all
> know this isn't true. I mean, who could possibly calling a nigger and what could
> they possibly be talking about? I don't think I want to know.
>
>
> ::Basketball::
>
> To most non-niggers basketball is a game that is played by boys. It's a great
> sport but little more than a diversion for most of humanity if they even play it
> or watch it at all. The fact is that about 95% of the people in the world could
> give a rat's ass about basketball. The polar opposite is true for the nigger. All
> niggers are obsessed with basketball. Every nigger needs to put on the facade that
> he has game even if he can't tie his shoes without falling over. To put it into
> perspective, every American white boy dreams of becoming President someday. He
> wants to be the number one man in America so he purses a variety of different
> activities that will make him suitable for the Presidency. Most don't become
> President but these boys have picked up hundreds of positive traits that can be
> applied to hundreds of different types of careers. All little niggers dream of
> becoming men, wearing shorts pants and chasing other niggers in short pants around
> a basketball court in the NBA. Well most niggers don't become NBA stars and along
> the way they have picked up one skill that can't be applied to any job. This
> really comes in handy if your life's goal is to avoid doing any real work and to
> remain immature.
>
>
> ::Talking loudly, shouting profanities and arguing::
>
> This is a three for one deal. All good niggers should genuinely be people that are
> unpleasant to be around and difficult to get along with. This is another
> cornerstone of keeping it real. The key to this is vulgarity. You really need to
> strive to be a vulgar person with no regard to the feelings of others when talking
> loudly, shouting profanities and arguing. This should be easy for you achieve.
> Chances are you already talk loud because everyone in your housing development or
> cellblock screams and yells constantly. Swearing should constitute at least 2/3rds
> of all the words in your vocabulary. This comes quite naturally to all niggers.
> Just minutes ago I heard some nigger say to another nigger, "man, fuck that
> mother-fucking mother-fucker." Nice. Now since your already shouting profanities
> at the top of your lungs there's pretty good chance that you're going to annoy,
> insult or offend someone. This will of course escalate into an argument. You
> really know you got this down when the arguing ensues and everything should
> involve an argument. Everything in nigger's world should culminate into a
> full-blown crisis. McDonald's, the welfare office, the wig shop, the nail salon
> and the basketball court are all perfect venues for talking loudly, shouting
> profanities and arguing.
>
>
> Well that's it for today, niggers. Tune in next week when we will address the
> following topics: pranks, shucking, jiving, goofing and sleeping till noon
> everyday. Until then Keep it Real!
>
>
> Kickin' it wit' my ho,
> -- Deeandre' Babydaddy
>